ʻO ko mākou ola holoʻokoʻa ua loaʻa iā mākou ka ʻuhane o ke Kalikimaka e hoʻokuke iho i kā mākou gullet hui. ʻO Burl Ives paha kēlā ʻO Rudolph ka Reindeer Red-Nosed a i ʻole nā ​​lā hoʻomaha lā o Nat King Cole, pili mau i nā kini kēpau a me nā kumulāʻau a me ka bunker-busitter i kā mākou kālā e hana i kēia Kalikimaka ʻoi loa.

ʻĀ, ua hiki i ka manawa e kaha i kahi laina i ka hau, e nā hoa. Aia ʻo Festivus i kekahi mea, ʻaʻole mākou e waiho e make e like me Pipi ʻo Phoebe Cates i ka chimney mai Nā Gremlins. Lōʻihi loa…?

Poina i nā idealistic lapuwale e like me ʻumikūmālua mau lā o ke Kalikimaka, e leʻaleʻa ai iā ia. A liʻiliʻi iki a ʻano ʻē hoʻi. Ka mea, inā ʻoe e heluhelu ana i kēia, maopopo iaʻu ua maluhia mua ʻoe.

Pehea 'o ia nā lā heʻumikumamālua o ʻO ka 'Burbs? No ke aha mai ka pō? ʻO Dick Miller, ka mea i hōʻike ʻia i ke kāne ʻōpala i makemake e kau i kona mau lima ma luna o Roselli Plumbing ma ke alaloa bowling kūloko i hānau ʻia ma ka lā Kalikimaka i ka makahiki o ko mākou Haku ʻUmikūmāiwa haneli iwakāluakūmāwalu. No laila na aole hauʻoli o ʻO ka 'Burbs, ke haʻi nei mākou i kekahi o nā mea hana keaka ʻoi loa i hele wāwae i ka honua a mākou e hoʻowahāwahā nei iā ia.

ʻAʻole wale mākou aole e hoʻowahāwahā iā Dick Miller, ʻaʻole mākou e hoʻomanawanui i nā hōʻino ʻia no nogged up. No laila e lele i loko o ka waʻa. Ke hana nei.

E hoʻomaka ana i ka Pōʻaono, e noho ka helu i ka ʻumikūmālua, e hōʻike ana ua hiki i ka manawa e hoʻokuke. E ʻae ʻoe iaʻu e hele ma waena o ia ...

ʻO ka lā 1st o 'The Burbs: Hōla ʻO ka 'Burbs i ka ʻaina kakahiaka a hana i ka mea maikaʻi loa i waho-ʻai iā Rick Duccomun. E kīloi aku a hala paha ʻoe i waho, akā i kēlā me kēia ala, he moʻolelo kāu e haʻi ai no ke koena o ke kau hoʻomaha. Nāu nā lula sticklers ma waho - pono ʻole nā ​​pineapa.

ʻO ka lā 2 o ka 'Burbs: E haʻi i ka wahine (a i ʻole ka hoaaloha wahine kūikawā) makemake ʻoe e cuddle a nānā i kahi kiʻi ʻoniʻoni. ʻO wai ka wahine e hāʻawi i kahi kono kono? A laila hoʻohuli ʻoe i nā hiʻohiʻona āpau me Carrie Fisher, ʻaʻole ʻo Carol Peterson, akā ʻo Kamāliʻiwahine Leia i kēlā kapa ʻauʻau uʻi mai E hoʻi o ka Jedi a hiki i ka loaʻa ʻana o ka hint iā ia a pā i kou Hōkū Make a i ʻole hele ʻo ia i waho o ka lumi e ʻōlelo nei hōʻole a hiki i ke ʻano o ke kāne āna i male ai. E hoʻomanaʻo e kali i ʻelua mau kani, a laila e hāʻawi iā “ʻAʻohe o mākou ʻano manawa.”

ʻO ka lā 3 o ka 'Burbs: E hāʻawi aku e lawe i kou mau kūpuna i waho no kahi pāʻina maikaʻi a ukali ʻia e kahi kūʻai Kalikimaka minuke hope loa. Hele auwana e hāʻawi iā lākou i kahi manawa e kanana i nā mea ukana kūpono, kali a hiki lākou i ke alaloa me kahi limahana o ka hale kūʻai, a laila kū i hope o lākou a me ka ʻole e lālau i kā lākou nānā, e ʻōlelo hōʻino wale "Makemake ʻoe e lawe i kēlā mai kāu ʻekeʻeke? ʻAʻole ʻoe makemake e ʻaihue i kēia mai kēia hale kūʻai? ” Hele wāwae. Mai poina e namunamu "He hale kūʻai shit kēia, ʻē."

ʻO ka lā 4 o ka 'Burbs: ʻO ka mea ʻaʻohe ona wahi palupalu no Corey Feldman i loaʻa ʻole kahi wahi aloha no ka kiʻi ʻoniʻoni 80. O koʻu manaʻo, ʻO nā Goona, Kū kokoke iaʻu, ʻo Ricky Butler mai ʻO ka 'Burbs, akā ʻo ka mea kaulana ʻo Tommy Jarvis e huli i ka Friday ka 13th saga Hoʻohuli i nā kukui, e hoʻokuʻu ʻO ka Mokuna Hope lele a lana ka manaʻo ʻaʻole e ʻako kahi poʻo o kou ʻona ʻona i kona poʻo a bludgeon i kou ʻanakē ʻoiai ʻo ia e kīkēkē ana iā “Make!”

ʻO ka lā 5th o ka 'Burbs: ʻAʻole wahaheʻe iā ʻoe, e kolohe ʻole kēia, akā like me ka manaʻo o kāu keiki me Santa Claus, manaʻoʻiʻo he uku ʻokoʻa kāna i ka lā ʻapōpō. E hoʻoili wale i ka pahu o kāu kaʻa me kahi ʻeke ʻōpala i piha me nā ʻeke ʻuala e hiki ke kū me ka naha ʻole. Māmā a hiki i ka hopena o ke alaloa. Hulk ia i ka ʻōpala, e nānā sketchy a puni ke kaiāulu, a laila paʻi i ka pō me ka lāʻau. Hoʻi i ka hale kaʻa.

ʻO ka lā 6th o ka 'Burbs: E kaulike, hoʻonohonoho ka lā 5 i ka papa ʻaina no ka helu hapa, akā pono ʻoe e lawe i kāu mau pōpō mai ka ʻeke a kāu wahine ma kēia. ʻAʻole paha kēia lā no ʻoukou āpau, akā inā make paʻakikī ʻoe, kuhi wau e mahalo ʻoe iā ia. E kali no ka hōʻike ʻōpala i ka ʻōpala, a laila hū i waho o kou home me nā pālule flip a me ka haʻalulu hapalua e lūlū wale ana i ka lole ʻauʻau kamouflage a me nā paʻa boxers mai ka hōʻiliʻili ʻo Bill Clinton. Nīnau ikaika inā ua loaʻa iā lākou kahi ʻeke ma laila kaumaha a pulu iki. ʻAʻole hiki iaʻu ke hoʻohiki iā ʻoe e hōʻalo i kahi kamaʻilio me kahi cop a i ʻole therapist laikini, akā i ka hopena o ka lā, e nānā ʻoe i hope me ka haʻaheo e ʻike ana ua hana ʻoe i kēlā mea nāu.

ʻO ka lā 7 o ka 'Burbs: Lawe i nā keiki i ka puʻu sled kūloko, akā e hana i kahi kū lua ma Radio Shack ma ke ala. Scoop i ʻelua mau walkie-talkie akā ma mua o ka lele ʻana o nāʻiole kapeta i waho o ke kaʻa, huli hou iā lākou a ʻaʻole i maopopo leʻa e hōʻike i nā tikika inā lele kekahi o lākou i ka pū ma luna o ka "Rover Red, Rover ʻulaʻula, e Mikey go on over ”ʻoiai hoʻokahi manawa, hoʻopau ʻia ke Kalikimaka.

ʻO ka lā 8 o ka 'Burbs: E kono iā ʻoe iho no kahi kamaʻilio maikaʻi a kamaʻilio maikaʻi me kekahi poʻe āu i kamaʻilio nui ʻole ai. E lawe pono i kahi pā o nā brownies - inā ʻoe e hāʻule iā lākou ma ke ala a hoʻohui i kahi zest ma o ka hana ʻana iā lākou i nā brownies disko brownies kou kāhea. ʻO ke akua ʻAʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke haʻalele, akā ʻaʻole ʻoe i ʻōlelo wale, akā hana maoli i loko o ke kamaʻilio ʻana. "He ahi wela kēia mau hale kahiko, huh?" A laila e nānā pono i ka waiho ʻana i kahi leka ma ka papa ʻaina e heluhelu ana "He ʻīlio kaʻu."

ʻO ka lā 9 o ka 'Burbs: I mea e hōʻoia ai i kēlā mau huaʻōlelo i hoʻololi ʻia me kāu mau hoanoho i koe ka mea wale nō i ʻōlelo ʻia, a e holoholo paha lākou i loko o ka hale ke ʻike lākou iā ʻoe e hele i waho, e hāhai i kēia hana maʻalahi akā maikaʻi. E kiʻi pū i kekahi o kou mau hoaaloha no kekahi mele ʻana. I kēia manawa, ʻaʻole pono ia e lilo i pals o ka ʻāpana kū aʻe. ʻAʻole, e noʻonoʻo hou aʻe i nā hoa aloha koleke. Ke ʻano ʻaʻohe pilikia i ka haʻi ʻana aku i ka poʻe a lākou i hui pū ai me ʻoe i ka puke memo. Hilinaʻi iaʻu, maikaʻi lākou. E lālau i nā ʻāpana pepa hakahaka e lawelawe ma ke ʻano he mele mele, a laila e hele i ka pale ʻana i kēlā me kēia puka…

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ʻO ka lā 10 o ka 'Burbs: Ma mua o ka ninini ʻana o ka ʻohana i ka hale no ka lōʻihi o ka home, e kono i kekahi o kāu mau hoaaloha pili (a ʻoi aku ke kiʻekiʻe) no kekahi champagne a me nā kamaʻilio. ʻO ke kī inā ʻelua wale nō hors dʻoeuvres - kahi pola o pretzels a me ka tin o sardine. Dill, sinapi a i ʻole ka aila ʻoliva - kou kāhea. ʻO wau iho, e hele au i ka ʻumiʻumi, akā e like me kaʻu i ʻōlelo ai ma mua, ʻo kēia kou ʻumikūmālua mau lā o ʻO ka 'Burbs. E hāhai i kou puʻuwai. Ke hoʻonohonoho pono ʻoe i ke ʻano, hele a puni ka lumi me ka helehelena pololei a hoʻolana i ka pi ma lalo pono o ko lākou ihu e hāʻawi ai i kahi ʻala, e mōhai ana - “Sari-deen?”

ʻO ka lā 11 o ka 'Burbs: Inā ua hana ʻoe i kēia mamao, ua kāwili paha ʻoe i kāu kūʻai lā nui, ua hui pū ka ʻohana a ʻaʻohe mea e hiki ke hōʻalo i nā momona wela o ka Mele Kalikimaka. Akā hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻōlelo ua hoʻāʻo ʻoe. Noho i lalo no ka ʻaina kakahiaka a noi i kāu kaikaina koho e hoʻolei iā ʻoe i ka nūpepa. E hoʻokuʻu iā ʻoe e wili iā ʻoe i ka sternum i hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻolana i ka Sanka mai kāu kīʻaha kope ma o ka papa. Puhi ʻia nā kiʻi, ʻae, akā e noʻonoʻo i ka nui o ka poʻe e mahalo i ka kith a me ka ʻohana ma hope o ka pau ʻana o ke kahe.

ʻO ka lā 12 o ka 'Burbs: Lōʻihi paha kēia i ka manawa, akā i kēia manawa, e ʻimi paha ʻoe i kahi ala e lele ai i nā ʻoliʻoli. Mālama wale ʻia kāu mau ʻōpala no ka am-dram elfing mua i ke kaʻa no ka hana keaka Kalikiano o kēlā ahiahi. Wehe i kou puka o mua, e hoʻōho iā “E Pinocchio, ma hea ʻoe e hele ai '?!” Ke hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻōlelo ua nānā ʻoe i loko o kona ʻuhane a ʻike i ka makaʻu, e komo i kahi sprint make, a laila waiho neoneo e like me kou ʻumikūmāwalu mahina i ka ulu lāʻau.

No laila ua hōʻoiaʻiʻo mākou iā ʻoe e haʻalele i ka wā kahiko, a me ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, cliché He ʻumikūmālua mau lā o ke Kalikimaka no kahi kokoke i ka pule ʻelua o 'Burbs hana hoʻopunipuni?

Inā pēlā, e huki i ka hana moʻomeheu a Joe Dante ma ka Nānā Nānā koke a Netflix a hoʻolauleʻa iā Dick Miller ʻo ka lā hānau 86th e hiki mai ana i kaila.

Ma waho aʻe, makemake wau e nānā pono ʻoe i nā kaiāulu noʻu.