E inoa i kahi lā hoʻomaha, aia kahi kiʻi ʻoniʻoni weliweli no kēlā. ʻOiai ʻoi aku ka liʻiliʻi o ka mahalo i nā lā nui e like me ka lā ʻApelila a me ka lā makuahine e kiʻi ʻia nā kiʻi ʻoniʻoni no lākou. ʻO ka Pōʻalima ka 13th, ʻoiai ʻaʻole he lā nui ma ka ʻenehana, akā hoʻolauleʻa mākou iā ia e like me ia, ʻo ia kekahi o nā franchise maikaʻi loa a me nā kiʻi e pili ana iā ia. He mea maʻalahi ka Kalikimaka, a he lā hoʻi e loaʻa ai ka plethora o nā slashers kaulana. Akā, pehea e pili ana i ka lā hoʻomaikaʻi? Me he mea lā ʻo ka mea kokoke loa i loaʻa iā mākou ʻo Eli Roth's mock trailer for Kahakumua, ka hoomaikai aku. Ua kamaʻilio ʻo Eli Roth e pili ana i ka hana ʻana i hiʻohiʻona piha i kēlā me kēia manawa, akā ʻo wai ka mea ʻike inā e ʻike ʻia (kākau ʻo Chris Crum kahi mea maikaʻi i kēia nehinei, no laila e nānā i waho). ʻOiaʻiʻo, aia kekahi Hoʻomaikaʻi a Mahalo 3, akā pehea e pili ana i kahi kiʻi ʻoniʻoni weliweli maoli i hoʻonohonoho ʻia i ka lā e hui pū ai mākou ma ke ʻano he ʻohana a hoʻopau i ka nui o nā meaʻai?

ʻĀ, ua huli aʻe i ka makahiki 1981 aia kahi kiʻi ʻoniʻoni hoʻoweliweli i hoʻonoho ʻia ma Thanksgiving ... ʻoiai ua kokoke loa ia i ka wā hoʻomaha. ʻAʻole ia ke kumuhana kikoʻī, a ʻaʻole like me he kiʻi ʻoniʻoni lā nui, akā hiki wale nō i kēlā lā. Hiki paha ke hana i kekahi lā ʻē aʻe, akā ma ka liʻiliʻi ua hoʻāʻo lākou, ʻoiai inā he kālā wale nō ia i nā slashers hoʻomaha. ʻIke ʻoe, no ka hapa nui. ʻAʻole ʻike maopopo ʻia ke kiʻi ʻoniʻoni no ka "maikaʻi" a me kekahi mea. Eia nō naʻe, hōkū ʻo Jake Steinfeld, ke ʻano titular o ka hanana hit 1990 ʻO Brother Jake! ʻAe, no laila ʻaʻole ia i paʻi, akā ʻaʻole paha wau i nānā iā ia. ʻO Jake kekahi laina o nā papahana hoʻoikaika kino i kapa ʻia Kino na Jake a ʻo ia ka mea hoʻokumu o kahi hui i kapa ʻia FitOrbit, kahi papahana hoʻoikaika kino a me ke kaumaha. Loaʻa paha iā ia ke kiʻi ʻoniʻoni ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi; Ke hele nei ʻo Jake i kahi pepehi kanaka ma kāna polokalamu kīwī hoʻoikaika kino ola. Ke hana nei ke kāne, no laila loaʻa iā ia kahi kūkulu kūpono no kāu slother prototypical, e hoʻolilo ana i kēia i kuleana kūpono nona.

Eh, ʻaʻole paha.

Aia kekahi kumu i poina ai kēia kiʻi ʻoniʻoni. Ma waho o ka maikaʻi ʻole, he mea ʻakaʻaka ka hana a Jake, ʻoiai i kekahi manawa ʻo ia ka mea a mākou e ʻimi nei inā ʻaʻole ʻo ka manaʻo o nā mea hana kiʻi ʻoniʻoni. Hoʻolilo ʻo ia i ka hapanui o nā maka maka ʻoniʻoni a ʻakaʻaka hoʻi e like me ka lunatic (āna e pāʻani ai, no laila ke kuhi nei wau ua hana maikaʻi ʻia) a aia pū kekahi me kēia keiki i ʻaʻahu ʻia e like me ka mime, ka pena maka a me nā mea āpau, me kahi kika a me ka amp i hoʻopaʻa ʻia iā kona kua. Hiki i kekahi ke haʻi iaʻu i ke kumu o ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi ʻano e like me kēia? ʻO kaʻu koho he spoof ia ma ke ʻano o ke ʻano o Neddy i loko Friday ka 13th, akā mālama ʻo ia e kāohi i ka hōʻike iaʻu, no ka mea ʻaʻole hiki iaʻu ke kiʻi i kahi kiʻi e like me kēlā. Pono wau e hoʻomaha a wili i kuʻu poʻo, e haʻohaʻo nei i ka mea a lākou e noʻonoʻo nei. ʻO wai e pili i kēia ʻano? ʻO ka pūʻali koa KISS? Manaʻo ʻia nā mea kōkua komikina e hōʻike i ke ʻano o kekahi kanaka a mākou e ʻike e relatable ai lākou, akā ʻo kēia… he aha kēia? Ke noʻonoʻo nui nei wau i kēia ala. ʻAʻole pono nā mea ʻē aʻe e haʻi, ʻoiai ʻo lākou nā stasotyped stock slasher character. ʻOiaʻiʻo, e nānā i nā lepe slasher a ma laila ʻoe e hele ai, aia lākou i kēia kiʻi ʻoniʻoni pū kekahi. ʻAʻole e ʻōlelo i kā lākou hana keaka ʻilihune a i ʻole kekahi mea, akā ʻaʻole lawa ka mālama ʻana i ke kiʻi ʻoniʻoni.

E nānā ʻo Gorehound ma kahi ʻē, no ka mea ʻaʻohe nui o ke koko a me ka ʻōpū. I ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, hana maikaʻi ʻole ʻia nā hopena, ʻaʻohe mea e kākau ai i ka home. Maikaʻi loa ka moʻolelo a ʻike ʻia he kālā wikiwiki wale ia i ka boasher slasher boom, no laila pono ʻoe e haʻohaʻo; No wai kēia kiʻi ʻoniʻoni? Ma hope, hana i kahi slasher me he mea lā ke paʻi kālā ʻana. ʻAʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke nalo, akā ʻo kēia kekahi o kēlā mau kiʻi ʻoniʻoni i alakaʻi wale ʻia i ka oversaturation o ke ʻano.

No laila he aha kaʻu e ʻōlelo nei e pili ana i ka hoʻolālā? He pala? Ok, no laila e kāohi iaʻu inā ua lohe ʻoe i kēia; pakele kahi lunatic mai ka haukapila noʻonoʻo, ʻaihue i kahi kaʻa kaʻa a kū i ka home e pepehi kanaka i kahi lā hoʻomaha maikaʻi.

Pono wau e puka i waho a haʻi iā ʻoe i kēlā.

I kekahi hihia, inā ʻoe e ʻaʻa lawa a makemake paha ʻoe e hoʻolei i ke kālā, hiki iā ʻoe ke hopu i kahi kope mai Amazon no ke kumukūʻai hefty he nui a i kaʻu ʻike, he VHS wale nō ia a ʻaʻole ia he kumukūʻai nui.

A i ʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke nānā i ke kiʻi ʻoniʻoni āpau i ke wikiō ma lalo nei. Pono ia ma ka liʻiliʻi i hoʻokahi wati a ʻike iā Jake Steinfeld e hana nei e like me ka huhū huhū.

ʻAihue ka mea maʻi noʻonoʻo i kahi kaʻa kaʻa a hele i kahi hoʻolauleʻa Thanksgiving a Bradley, kahi āna e hoʻolālā ai e hōʻemi iki i ka mahalo ...

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A e lawe wale iā ʻoe i lalo i nā ala hoʻomanaʻo ... MAI HOPE!

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No ka mea nō kēia ke kau Hoʻomaikaʻi, eia ka māhele Thanksgiving o ʻO Brother Jake.

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