Ua hoʻoholo wau e nānā i kēia hōʻike kolohe loa o kahi kiʻi ʻoniʻoni ma hope o ke kūkākūkā ʻana me kekahi o kaʻu mau hoa kākau iHorror i uhi mua ʻO Muck ma ke ʻano he ʻāpana o kā mākou Cutthroat Critics series. Ua aʻo maikaʻi ʻia au ʻaʻole wau makemake i kēia kiʻi ʻoniʻoni.

ʻAʻole hiki iaʻu ke hōʻike i ka nui o ka huhū o kēia kiʻiʻoniʻoni iaʻu. Ua nānā au iā ia e ʻai ana mau mau aniani o ka waina, e noʻonoʻo nei e kōkua ana. ʻAʻole ia.

ʻO Muck ʻo ia ke kiʻi ʻoniʻoni a me ka hiki ʻole ke hoʻomaopopo ʻole ʻia aʻu i ʻike ai. He paulele loa ia - no laila smarmy - makemake wau he kino ia i hiki ai iaʻu ke kuʻi pono i ka ʻōpala.

ʻO Muck Loaʻa iā ia ka kaohi āpau a me ka nānā ʻana o kahi keikikāne keikikāne 15 makahiki nona ka mea i loaʻa i kāna makasina Playboy mua. No ka mea ke iho i lalo iā ia, ʻo ia wale nō ʻO Muck ʻo ia - kahi kumu e hoʻopiʻi ai i ka feverishly ogle i ka wahine wahine hypersexualized gratuitously ʻoiai e pepa ana i kekahi hana hoʻomāinoino e uhi iā ia ma ke ʻano he kiʻi weliweli.

ʻAe, ʻaʻole kēia ka mua - ʻaʻole hoʻi ʻo ka mea hope loa - kiʻi ʻoniʻoni e hoʻohui i ka nubile, ka hapanui o nā wahine ʻōlohelohe me ka ʻōpala, akā, hiki iā ʻoe ke loaʻa maʻa mau kekahi ʻano like o kahi kuhi kūpono a i ʻole hoʻolālā - gehena - a me kahi manaʻo maopopo ʻo wai ka "hōkū" maoli o ka moʻolelo hōʻino. Akā, ke hele mua nei wau ma mua oʻu. E wāwahi iki mākou i kēia.

ʻO ka mea mua, kahi ʻano o hope. ʻO Steve Wolsh ka mea kākau / alakaʻi / mea hana i hoʻokumu i kāna kiʻi ʻoniʻoni me ʻO Muck. Ua hoʻomaka mua ʻia ma Playboy Mansion ma 2015, no ka mea ʻo ia nō.

ʻO Muck Nā hōkū ʻo Lachlan Buchanan (ʻO ka'ōpio a me ka mea pale) ma ke ʻano he inoa i kapa ʻia ʻo "Troit", ʻo Bryce Draper (Hoʻopā), Stephanie Danielson (ʻO Paranormal Whacktivity), Ka hōkū YouTube ʻo Lauren Francesca, a me 2012 Pāʻani Pōʻani Pōʻani o ka Makahiki ʻo Jaclyn Swedenberg. Aia ma laila kekahi mea ikona weliweli ʻo Kane Hodder. Kūpono ʻoi aku ʻo ia.

Hoʻomaka ke kiʻi ʻoniʻoni me kahi hui a makaʻu paha i ka weliweli (a lākou e haʻi ai ma ka hoʻohiki mau wale ʻana, no ka mea "hana") 20-kekahi mau manawa ke puka lākou mai kahi peʻahi swampy. Wahi a ka hōʻike a ke kiʻi ʻoniʻoni, ke pakele nei lākou i kahi kanu kupapaʻu kahiko ", akā ʻoiaʻiʻo ʻaʻohe ʻōlelo maoli o kēlā. I nā mea āpau. A i ʻole ke kumu o ka ʻaʻa ʻana o nā huapalapala wahine i ka mea ʻole. Ua ʻaʻahu piha ʻia nā kāne ʻelua - e kau ana i nā papa, ʻoiai - ʻoiai nā wahine i loko o kā lākou lole komo a hoʻopiʻi mau e pili ana i ke anuanu. He lapuwale ia.

Ua ʻeha kekahi o nā kāne, akā ʻaʻohe kūkā o ka mea i hana ʻia, a pehea, a no ke aha. ʻO kēlā me kēia ʻikepili āu e manaʻo ai e loaʻa e hāʻawi maoli i kēia kiʻi ʻoniʻoni i kahi ʻano o kahi kuhi e ʻike maka nei.

Inā ʻoe e hopohopo e loaʻa kahi moʻolelo nalo i ke ala o ke kamaʻilio quippy, hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻomaha maʻalahi. ʻO kekahi o nā wahine ʻaʻahu liʻiliʻi i hana i kahi jab perky a me ka manawa maʻamau ma Horny Injured Douchebag (ʻo wau, ʻo ia Malia paha kona inoa inoa) me ka laina, "ʻAʻohe ou koko i koe i loko ou e hoʻopiha i kēlā dick nui āu."

No laila ... aia kēlā.

Ua hele mai kā Wolsh script mai ke kula o Eli Roth o ke kamaʻilio, e uhi ana i nā kumu e like me "e hoʻowahāwahā loa i kāu mau mea" a "kākau e like me ʻoe i lohe ʻole ai i kahi kamaʻilio kanaka makua maʻamau". He insufferable.

Kuhi nā mea i nā ʻōlelo a homophobic a me nā lāhui kolohe i loko o ke kiʻi ʻoniʻoni - uhi ʻia lahilahi ʻia e like me "banter playful". Ua laha loa ka misogyny i laila maoli kekahi ʻano o ka waha a i ʻole ke ʻano hiʻohiʻona i kēlā me kēia 45 kekona.

I nā hōʻaiʻē wehe, no ka laʻana, hāʻawi ʻia iā mākou kahi hiʻona piha o nā aniani pahupaʻiwikiō e kia ana i ka nalowale a me ka makaʻu o ka lālā o kā lākou pāʻina (manaʻo mākou?) ʻo ia hou) me ka ʻole o ka pōʻaiapili.

ʻOiai he mau lōʻihi lōʻihi, lohi (ʻo ka hapanui o ka pani ʻana) o kāna mau umauma ʻōlohelohe, ʻaʻole maopopo iā mākou kona helehelena maoli. No ka mea ʻole kēlā mea nui? Kuhi wale wau? ʻAʻole ʻo ia e hana pū me ia maka, ʻo ʻolua.

Aloha.

Hoʻohui hou, hilinaʻi nui wau ʻaʻole kokoke ka lōʻihi o ka script e hana i kahi kiʻi ʻoniʻoni piha, no laila ua hoʻoholo ʻia e kīkī i ka hana me nā transcripts sloppy o nā moemoeā inane.

ʻO ia wale nō ke kumu e hiki ai iaʻu ke noʻonoʻo. No ke aha ʻoe e pono ai e hoʻokomo i kahi hanana kahi a "Troit" e kali ai i kāna lā ke hoʻāʻo ʻo ia ma ʻehā - ʻae, ʻehā - nā seti pale umauma ʻokoʻa a me ka panty i ka lua ʻauʻau. Hana ʻo ia ma o kā Victoria's Secret kiosk e waiho ʻia i loko o kāna ʻeke, e hoʻāʻo nei e ʻike i ka hui lingerie ʻoi loa o ka wahine nui (no ka lā ʻo ia. ua hele aku nei).

Ma ke ʻano he ʻaoʻao, no ka poʻe e noʻonoʻo ana i ka kaʻa a nā wahine e pili ana i kā mākou ʻeke nui, hiki iaʻu ke guaran-fucking-tee iā ʻoe ʻaʻole ia ʻehā mau ʻano ʻāpana lole moe.

* Lei ka lae i ka uluhua * ʻAe ... ma hea ʻo wau.

ʻO Muck loaʻa iā ia ka wiwo ʻole e kapa aku i kona wahi kūpilikiʻi weliweli "West Craven" (pehea aa ʻo ʻoe). Hoʻolei lākou i kēia kulu inoa pilikino me ka pinepine pinepine ʻaʻole hiki ke hala iā ʻoe, ʻoiai ʻaʻole ia e pāʻani a hiki i ka ʻelua hapakolu o ke ala i ke kiʻi ʻoniʻoni. ʻOiai ʻo ia, ua hōʻike ʻia me nā manaʻo o ka pehea o "West Craven" "luʻuluʻu" akā "hoʻohana maikaʻi loa". Aloha oe.

ʻO kēia "nod" i ka moʻoʻōlelo ʻo Wes Craven i manaʻo ʻia ua hoʻohui ʻia ma ke ʻano he script afterstought i kahi moʻoʻōlelo aʻu e kuhi nei he ʻāpana o nā kāwele waiwele i hoʻopaʻa ʻia me nā huaʻōlelo "BOOBS" a me "BUTTS" i kāwili ʻia ma luna o lākou.

ʻO kahi mea aʻu i haʻi mua ai ka huikau nui me nā mea hoʻokūkū. ʻAʻohe o lākou e aloha, ʻaʻole koa lākou, a ʻaʻohe mea kū hoʻokahi e like me ka "hero" ma aneʻi. ʻAʻohe kaikamahine hope loa, kahi hui o nā assholes no kekahi kumu e loaʻa hou nā lālā i ke kolu o ka hana e like me Troit a me kāna mau hoa wahine e hōʻike.

Ke waiho nei mākou i ka haʻohaʻo no ke aha e pono ai e nānā mamao aku e pili ana i kēia mau mea lapuwale, a no ke aha ʻo Gehena ka Troit a me ko pono loa kahi hanana hoʻolauna i lawe i ka manawa o ka kiʻi ʻoniʻoni a lawe iā ia i kahi kuʻikuʻi.

ʻAʻohe mea i kūpono maoli, ʻaʻohe mea e wehewehe ʻia, a i kēlā me kēia manawa ke hāmama ke ʻano o ko lākou waha e ʻōlelo i kekahi laina paʻakai, ua piha ʻoe me kahi nalu hou o ka inaina.

ʻOiai ʻo ka ʻoiaʻiʻo o ka pūʻulu ʻōpio, hūpō moekolohe e hakakā nei no ko lākou ola, ʻaʻohe pahu maoli no kekahi e loaʻa i ke kōkua. Pīkī loa ka holo ʻana me ka ʻāwīwī a kūlia e like me ka nānā ʻana i kekahi e hoʻāʻo e hoʻokuke i kahi neʻe lāʻau no ka manawa mua.

E ʻōlelo wau i kēlā ʻO Muck he leʻaleʻa alelo maoli kona, akā hōʻike ia i kekahi mea e pili ana i ke kiʻi ʻoniʻoni a he mea hoʻomākeʻaka pū kekahi. Hoʻomaopopo wau i ka pahuhopu e hana i kahi weliweli-ʻano weliweli weliweli - kahi ʻano slasher flick-night slage - akā nele loa ia i ka ʻike e hana i kēlā mau kiʻi ʻoniʻoni maoli a leʻaleʻa.

He mea hoʻohoka, hoʻoluhi, a hōʻike ʻole ʻia nā hoʻolālā "mea ola" i kahi ʻano e hōʻike ai i ka ʻano o lākou a no hea mai paha lākou. ʻOiaʻiʻo, ua hoʻohana nā kiʻi ʻoniʻoni ʻē i kēia manaʻo o ka “hoʻoweliweli ʻike ʻole” ma mua, akā ʻano maʻa kūlohelohe lākou i ke ʻano, ʻaʻole wale he pūʻulu ʻōpio ohule e uhi ana i ka pauka pēpē.

Aia ma laila he prequel manaʻo ʻia i nā hana no ka mea maopopo leʻa ʻO Muck he ʻāpana o kahi trilogy. Maliʻa paha e hoʻomālamalama ka prequel i ka mea e hana nei me kēlā "kanu kanu" i ka hoʻomaka o ʻO Muck, akā i ka hana, ʻo ia ka manaʻo dumbest aʻu i lohe ai. Aia kahi prequel e hoʻopihapiha i ka ʻike hou aku no nā kumu o ke kūkulu ʻana i ka honua, ʻaʻole e uhi uhi i nā lua huna i hiki ʻole iā ʻoe ke pilikia.

Ua hoʻomaka lākou e ʻohi kālā no ka prequel ma o Kickstarter ma mua ʻO Muck ua hoʻokuʻu ākea ʻia, a ʻo nā mea kākoʻo hauʻoli ʻole e pili ana i nā makana nalowale a me ka nele o ka ʻona ʻana mai Wolsh. ʻAʻohe mea e hana ai i ka poʻe hoʻolohe pepeiao e like me ke kiʻi ʻoniʻoni hoʻonāukiuki ʻole me kahi prem ʻole i piha a me ka lohi o nā makahiki ʻehā ma waena o nā poʻo inoa.

Ano, ʻO Muck hiki ke loaʻa kekahi mau ʻano hoʻōla - e hoʻomaikaʻi pinepine wau i ka cinematography a i ʻole nā ​​hopena kūpono - akā ʻaʻole hiki iaʻu ke hoʻopaʻa inoa inā aia kekahi mea e pili ana i kēia kiʻi ʻoniʻoni. ʻO ia ke ʻano hoʻopailua.

No laila ʻAe.

Ua hoʻowahāwahā wau iā ia.

Hoʻonohonoho i kēia pule aʻe no kahi paʻi hou o Late to the Party! Hiki iā ʻoe ke nānā i nā poʻo hou aʻe mai kā mākou papahana hoʻomau ma aneʻi.