Hele i waho ke kula a hoʻomaka ʻoe i kahi hoʻomoana kauwela i kēia pule aʻe. Hoihoi paha ʻoe? ʻO kekahi nani ʻewalu mau pule i piha i kahi hale liʻiliʻi a pilau me ʻehiku mau keikikāne a kaikamahine paha mai nā ʻano like ʻole. Manaʻo wau aia ma laila ka Goth, ka jock, kou slut camp camp, ka pōhaku, a ʻo ka wahine puʻupaʻa. ʻO wai ʻoe? Maikaʻi ʻoe e noʻonoʻo ai ma mua o kou hele ʻana no ka mea e hoʻoholo ana ia i nā mea āu e pono ai e ʻūlū.

ʻEhu lū, nānā. Palaka lā, kaha. ʻEke ʻeke, nānā. Kulou kea,….? He aha? ʻAʻole ʻoe i hoʻomanaʻo e ʻūlū i kāu kakaka keʻa hilinaʻi? ʻAʻole wau i haʻi aku ʻaʻole kēia kahi hoʻomoana maʻamau? ʻO Camp Slasher kēia!

ʻO nā mea āpau āu i aʻo ai mai kēlā me kēia kiʻi ʻoniʻoni weliweli i hana ʻia ma kahi hoʻomoana, mai Pōʻalima ke 13^th a Kapu hoʻomoana i Ke kahua hoʻomoana Cheerleader a ʻO ka puhi inā wau e aʻo iā ʻoe pehea e ola ai i kāu kauwela, a i ʻole e hāʻawi iā ʻoe i kahi manawa hakakā. Inā ʻaʻole ʻoe i lawe i nā memo he mea maikaʻi wau ma aneʻi, kou loea hoʻomoana hoʻomoana, e haʻi pololei iā ʻoe i ka mea āu e pono ai e ʻūlū e hoʻomaikaʻi i kāu kūʻē.

ʻO Camp Goth
Inā ʻoe kahi hoʻomoana Goth he nui aku kāu mau kumuwaiwai i kāu manawa ma mua o kou ʻike. ʻO kēlā mau kini o Aqua Net e kiʻi ai i kāu lauoho hoʻōla hoʻōla Cure a ʻo kāu māmā māmā e puhi i kāu Cloves punahele kāu mau hoaaloha maikaʻi loa. ʻO ka lama puhi koke! Ke ʻike ʻoe iā ʻoe iho i nā keʻena kokoke me kahi flick killer killer e ʻoi aku ka māmā a hoʻomālamalama i ka bastard! ʻAʻole paha ia e pepehi iā ia, akā inā ʻoe e ʻimi i ka helehelena a me nā maka e hoʻokau ia i ʻehā mau wāwae ma waena ou a me ia, e hāʻawi ana iā ʻoe i ka manawa kūpono e loaʻa kahi puka a holo!

ʻO ka lalo; ʻo kou mau kāmaʻa ʻeono iniha anuu a me nā palule hoʻokauwā mai Hot Topic e kaohi ana i kāu neʻe. He kiʻekiʻe kiʻekiʻe nā manawa āu e hele ai ma luna ou iho, e hana ana i kēlā manawa alakaʻi āu i kūʻai ai i mea ʻole ke hopu ʻoe i ke koʻi i ka hope. ʻO kaʻu ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo iā ʻoe e haʻalele i ka lole wāwae strappy a me nā kāmaʻa chunky ma ka home a hele no kahi mea i ʻoi iki ka hana. Pehea e pili ana i nā pōkole ʻeleʻele me nā iʻa iʻa a me kekahi mau kāmaʻa koa kime ass? E paʻa mau ana kāu kiʻi Goth, akā ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o kēia mau koho i nā lumi lole no kou pakele.

ʻO ka Camp Jock
Ua hoʻouna aku kou mau mākua iā ʻoe i kahi hoʻomoana kauwela e komo i nā kime haʻuki a mālama i kēlā mau mākala ma kahi o ka waiho ʻana iā lākou i atrophy i nā mahina kau wela ke hele ʻoe i nā keggers a pāʻani i nā pāʻani wikiō. ʻAʻole lākou he dummies, ʻaʻole lākou makemake e uku no kāu pili kula inā loaʻa iā ʻoe ka manawa kūpono e loaʻa ai i kēlā ʻike baseball. Laki nō iā ʻoe, aia paha iā ʻoe kekahi o nā keu ʻoi loa o kekahi o kāu mau hoa moe; kou ikaika! ʻAʻole like iā Shelley Duvall i ka Kealohilani, kou hiki ke lūlū i kahi ʻōpeʻapeʻa a kū maoli i ka mea āu e ʻimi nei e ʻae iā ʻoe e incapacitate i ka mea hoʻomake e alualu ana iā ʻoe. Inā hoʻokau ʻoe iā ia i ka honua a hoʻomau i ka uē iā ia, a i ʻole hiki ke kiʻi i kāna mea kaua mai kāna paʻa ʻana a hoʻohana iā ia e kūʻē iā ia, he manawa kūpono paha kāu e pepehi i ka mea hōʻino a mālama i ka lā!

Minamina ʻo kou hoʻohaʻahaʻa ʻia kou naʻaupō. ʻIno wau i ka ʻōlelo ʻana he sweetie, akā, like kou leo ​​me he ʻeke o nā jockstraps. Ua pepehi ʻoe i nā keaka lolo he nui e hana ana i nā leʻaleʻa pia a kū nā keg i nā pāʻina me kāu poʻe hoa e hele maoli ʻoe i kahi weliweli ke lohe ʻoe i kahi walaʻau ʻē. Lawe iā ia iaʻu, ke hāʻule ka "ch ch ch, ah ah ahs", e kiʻi i kahi mea bludgeoning kokoke loa a hoʻomaka i ka piʻo ʻana. 'O kaʻu aʻoaʻo iāʻoe e hoʻopaʻa i kāu peʻa baseball punahele a me kou mau kāmaʻa alualu maikaʻi loa no laila inā kūlouʻoe i ka mea pepehi kanaka hiki iāʻoe ke kiʻekiʻe e kiʻi iā ia ma waho.

ʻO ka Camp Slut
E kuʻu hoaaloha, hoʻolei paha ʻoe iā ʻoe iho ma ka lau o ka mea pepehi kanaka ke ʻike ʻoe iā ia. ʻAʻole maopopo iaʻu inā hiki i kekahi ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo ke hiki iā ʻoe ke hāʻawi iā ʻoe a hiki i ka mea e ʻūlū ai e hoʻonui ai i kāu mau kahakaha o ka hana ʻana i ka pule mua, koe wale nō ke kauwela holoʻokoʻa. ʻO ka palau wale nō i kāu genes, a hoʻolilo ia iā ʻoe i mea pio maʻalahi ma waho. Akā me ka nānā ʻole, e hoʻāʻo wau e hāʻawi i kahi manawa hakakā.

  
(Hoʻolaha: Hiki i nā kāne ke palau pū kekahi.)

ʻO kāu hāʻule kou mea hoihoi i, maikaʻi, i nā mea āpau. ʻO nā keikikāne, kaikamahine, hoʻomoana, kākāʻōlelo, pāʻani maikaʻi lākou āpau iā ʻoe. Inā he kolo kolohe kā ka mea pepehi kanaka manaʻo wau aia pū ia ma kāu papa inoa. ʻO kaʻu ʻōlelo aʻo iā ʻoe he kāmaʻa noʻonoʻo a ʻaʻohe miniskirt. Inā wale nō ka lole "noʻonoʻo" āu i loko o kāu mau mea huki, he pōkole waiwai pio ia, ʻo ia hoʻi, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi ma mua o nā pale kau o ka lā a me nā kāmaʻa kāmaʻa strappy paepae. ʻAʻohe kānalua he mau kui acrylic ʻoe, no laila ke iho pono i lalo iā ia a ʻo ka mea pepehi kanaka iā ʻoe i loko o ka lima e hele ai no nā maka. ʻAe, e maʻalea a paʻakikī hoʻi ia, akā ʻo kou manawa wale nō ke loaʻa ʻo ia iā ʻoe i ka paia a ʻokiʻoki i ke ola mai ou aku.

ʻO Camp Stoner
Makau wau e ʻōlelo aia ʻoe i ka moku like me ka Camp Slut. Makemake paha ʻoe e hui pū a hana pū. ʻO kou ʻano kūlohelohe e hoʻomālamalama i kēlā me kēia manawa āu e loaʻa ai, kahi mea nani i nā manawa āpau, e hoʻokau iā ʻoe i ka stupor mau o ka hauʻoli a me ka ʻike ʻole. Loaʻa paha iā ʻoe kahi hōʻailona "Kill Me" ma kou kua, akā ʻaʻohe pono no ka mea hiki i ka mea pepehi ke ʻala i ka ipuhao e ʻalohi ana iā ʻoe i kahi mile ka mamao.

ʻAʻole wau e ʻike e makaʻala nō ʻoe e hoʻolohe i nā ʻōlelo aʻo aʻu e hāʻawi aku ai iā ʻoe e waiho wale, akā ma ka liʻiliʻi ʻike wau ua hoʻāʻo wau, no laila ke make ʻoe e maʻemaʻe koʻu lunamanaʻo. Ma muli o ka haʻi ʻana aku iā ʻoe ʻaʻole e puhipaka he hua ʻole kāu keu ʻoi loa e hoʻonui i ka mea pepehi me ʻoe ma o ka lima kiʻekiʻe, e hoʻonāukiuki kēia iā ia iā ʻoe e haʻalele. Akā e kūlou wale paha ʻoe ma kahi.

Ka Puʻupaʻa Puʻupaʻa
Ke hele nei ʻoe i kahi hoʻomoana no nā makahiki, akā ʻo kēia kou manawa mua ma Camp Slasher no ka mea ua neʻe wale mai ʻo makuakāne iā ʻoe mai ke awāwa a i ke kūlanakauhale kūloko no ka mea makemake ʻo ia e hana i kahi mea ʻokoʻa ma ka haukapila kūloko ma ke ʻano he ER doc ma ka poʻe haʻahaʻa a me ka uku haʻahaʻa. haukapila kūloko. Akā maikaʻi kēlā iā ʻoe, no ka mea ke lana nei kou manaʻo e noi no ke kākāʻōlelo hoʻomoana ma ka makahiki e hiki mai ana ma hope o kou hoʻopau ʻana i kāu makahiki i hala ma ke ʻano he hoʻomoana a kōkua i ka poʻe "pōmaikaʻi ʻole," a ko kēia hoʻomoana me he mea lā. He manawa kūpono a hoʻomaka hou i ka mea kūkulu hale! ʻO kāu keu ʻoi loa ke kiʻekiʻe o kou pae, hoʻoulu ʻia e kou ʻohana paʻa a me ka papa waena waena e hānai ʻole ʻia. ʻAʻole ʻoe e ʻae i nā hoʻowalewale o ka moekolohe, ʻalekohola, a i ʻole nā ​​lāʻau i kou ala, no ka mea he hewa kēlā mau mea a ʻaʻole ʻoe e komo pū me lākou.

(Hoʻolaha: ʻOiai ʻo Alice i kona hopena make i ka ʻāpana 2, aia i ka home. ʻAʻole hoʻomoana. Ua ʻōlelo wau e kōkua wau iā ʻoe e ola i kahi hoʻomoana.)

ʻO kou nāwaliwali kou puʻuwai nui e kōkua i kou mau hoomoana. I ka manawa e ʻike ai ka mea pepehi iā ʻoe e ʻaʻa i kou puʻuwai ma kou lima e hoʻohana ʻo ia i kāu bunkie i maunu e huki ai iā ʻoe i waho, a he pale ia no ʻolua. ʻO kaʻu ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo iā ʻoe e hoʻoikaika. Make nā poʻe ma Camp Slasher, ʻo ia wale nō. ʻAʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke mālama iā lākou āpau. Eia hou, e lawe i kekahi mau papa kickboxing ma mua o kou nānā ʻana i loko o kou keʻena a hoʻomaopopo he mea na lākou āpau. ʻAʻole ʻoe ʻo ka mea hoʻomoana ikaika loa, akā ʻoi aku ka nui o kou lolo ma mua o ka hapa nui o kou mau hoa hoa, no laila e hoʻohana i kou poʻo a e makaʻala mau i kāu mea kaua kokoke a me ka puka. ʻOiai ʻoe e mālama i kāu wits e pili ana iā ʻoe e haʻi ana kekahi mea iaʻu e ola ʻoe iā Camp Slasher.

ʻAʻole hele i kahi hoʻomoana i kēia kauwela? Aʻole pilikia! ʻEnjoy kēia mau kahua hoʻomoana ma luna o nā kiʻi ʻoniʻoni weliweli!