I ka pule i hala aku nei, ua kūkākūkā mākou i nā kiʻiʻoniʻoni weliweli ʻelima mua loa e ola ai ʻoe, no ka mea, e nānā kākou, ʻaʻole ʻo ka hapa nui o mākou kekahi o nā mea liʻiliʻi i koe i ka hopena o kā mākou kiʻiʻoniʻoni weliweli punahele. I kēia pule e nānā mākou i ka lua o nā kiʻiʻoniʻoni weliweli, mahalo i kāu ʻike kiʻiʻoniʻoni weliweli, a me ka noʻonoʻo maʻamau, hiki paha iā ʻoe ke ʻike i kahi hopena hauʻoli a i ʻole ka hopena i kahi ʻaʻole ʻoe e hoʻomāinoino ʻia. ʻai ʻia, a hou ʻia paha.

E ao ʻia: e ukali kekahi mau mea hao māmā:

ʻO ka Ring (2002):

 

He pololei pololei kēia.

Hoa: Pono ʻoe e ʻike i kēia wikiō pupule!

ʻO ʻoe: Aloha maikaʻi, hoʻouna mai iaʻu i ka loulou.

Hoa: ʻAʻole, ʻo kēia ka lipine VHS paʻakikī.

ʻO ʻoe: (Ke ʻakaʻaka nei) ka lipine VHS? E kala mai iā Balki Bartokomous, ʻaʻohe oʻu VCR. ʻAʻole hiki iāʻu ke manaʻoʻiʻo aia nō ʻoe i kahi mea kani lipine ... kahi mea hoʻokani pila e holo pono ana.

Hoa:… .yeah.

ʻO ʻoe: he hipster ʻoe. Auē, hele mai ʻoe i ka wā e pau ai kāu hana, ua hoʻopaʻa wau i kaʻu kani hoʻopuni hou i loko o kaʻu HDTV a me PS4. Mai hopohopo nō naʻe, e nānā mākou i kekahi mea mai ka 1980s ma Netflix no laila ʻike ʻoe ma ka home.

ʻOiaʻiʻo, ua make kou hoaaloha ma lalo o hoʻokahi pule mai ka weliweli ʻana i ke ʻano o ka mehameha, ka huhū, a me ka maʻi maʻi liʻiliʻi (heluhelu i nā puke e ka poʻe), akā e ola ʻoe no ka mea ua like ʻoe me ka hapa nui o ke ao komohana a he disc wale nō. nā mea pāʻani a me nā lawelawe wikiō wikiō. Manaʻo wau inā loaʻa iā ʻoe ka VCR kahiko, no kēlā mau mea weliweli āu e aloha ai ʻaʻole ma DVD/Blu-ray. Like Ke Kamana...(ʻike ʻoe, no ka mea kūkulu ʻo ia i ka weliweli).

ka Kealohilani (1980):

He kiʻi ʻoniʻoni kēia e ola loa ka hapanui. Mai loko mai o nā mea nui ʻekolu, hana ʻelua o ia i ke kiʻi ʻoniʻoni ke ola, no laila ke nānā nei mākou, i ka ʻinoʻino loa, ma kahi o ʻelua a hoʻokahi pana o ke kiʻi ʻana ka Kealohilani hōʻeha, akā ʻano pōʻino ʻole. Eia nō naʻe, aia kekahi mau mea e hoʻomaikaʻi pono ai i kāu loiloi inā ʻo ʻoe ka mea a ka Overview Hotel e hoʻāʻo ai e pupule:

ʻO ka mea mua, inā he kanaka inu waiʻona ʻoe me ka hakakā ʻana o ka male ʻana a me kahi keiki ʻōpio e ʻike nei i kahi kauka psychiatrist no ka mea he ESP paha kāna, ʻeono mahina kaʻawale ʻaʻole paha ka manaʻo maikaʻi loa iā ʻoe. Makemake ʻoe e kākau i moʻolelo no ka hoʻoilo? ʻAe, ua noʻonoʻo paha ʻoe e hoʻonohonoho i kahi lumi kākau ma ka home a i ʻole e lawe i kahi hana e hiki ai iā ʻoe ke kākau ʻaʻole pono ʻoe e kaʻawale? Eia kekahi laʻana, ke kiaʻi pō ma ka hale hana kāmaʻa; He kakaikahi loa ka poe e komo ana e aihue i na kamaa i ka hooilo: he metala na kapuai o ka hale hana a aohe kamaa.

ʻAe, e ʻōlelo mākou e lawe ʻoe i ka hana (eia hou, manaʻolana me kahi pilina paʻa pōhaku), e lawe pū me ʻoe i kekahi mau mea e mālama ai i ka maʻi cabin. Inā mākou e haʻalele i nā mea a pau e kōkua iā mākou e mālama pono i kēia mau lā, e like me nā pāʻani wikiō, laptops, kelepona kelepona, iPod, e-heluhelu etc. nā puke puʻupuʻu huaʻōlelo, nā puʻupuʻu puʻupuʻu, nā leʻaleʻa, nā hana lima, a me nā pāʻani papa. ka Kealohilani inā he kiʻi ʻoniʻoni ʻokoʻa loa inā pāʻani ka ʻohana i nā Dungeons a me nā Dragons ʻelua mau manawa i ka pule e hoʻohui hou:

"Ua ʻōlelo ʻo Tony ua hoʻolei ʻo ia i ke kinipōpō ahi i ka pueo pueo"

"Paʻi ia no 18 mau pōʻino, maikaʻi e Tony"

“Mahalo, e Mr. Torrance”.

ʻAʻole ʻoe makemake i nā pāʻani papa? E nānā i ka TV ma kou lumi noho a lawe mai i kahi VCR me kahi pahu lipine no ka wā ʻaʻohe mea. Knit. E hana i kahi puʻupuʻu 3000 ʻāpana o ka Universal Movie Monsters. ʻO Gehena, e hoʻomaka i ka ski kea; e hilinaʻi mai iaʻu, inā ʻoe e hoʻolilo i kahi kakahiaka hoʻokele ski ʻāina, ʻaʻohe mea e ʻōlelo ai ʻo Lloyd, e luhi ʻoe i ka pepehi ʻana i kou ʻohana.

ʻAʻole kēia mau mea a pau, e ʻōlelo mākou e hoʻoikaika mau ana ʻoe e nā ʻuhane e hana i nā mea ʻino i kou ʻohana. Ma mua o kou hopu ʻana i ke koʻi, e hana wale e pale aku i ka lumi 237 a me nā ʻuhane ʻē aʻe e koi ana iā ʻoe (e hoʻomanaʻo i ka ʻōlelo a ka makuahine: "Inā koi lākou iā ʻoe e hana i kahi mea āu e makemake ʻole ai e hana, ʻaʻole lākou he hoaaloha" ) a e kamaʻilio pū me nā poʻe āu i lawe mai ai. ʻO kēia ka manawa e uku maoli ai kēlā pilina maikaʻi no ka mea hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻomaha a hoʻopaʻa iā ʻoe iho i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ma o ka lawe ʻana i ka manawa e kamaʻilio me lākou e pili ana i nā mea like ʻole, e like me ke ʻano o lākou e hui pū ai me ʻoe i ka ski cross-country, a i ʻole kou makemake i nā mea āpau. ʻauʻau koko ʻulaʻula a keʻokeʻo ma ka home.

ʻO ka Hana Pūnaewele Blair (1999) & Ka hapa nui o nā kiʻi kiʻi kiʻi ʻia:

ʻO kēia manaʻo maʻamau "ola i ka kiʻiʻoniʻoni weliweli" pili i kēlā me kēia kiʻi ʻoniʻoni weliweli "loaʻa-footage" ma waho:

Kau. Kāmera. Iho.

Ua lilo koke ʻoe i mea pono, a 95% mau paha ke ola i nā kūlana āu i ʻike ai iā ʻoe iho, ma mua o ka mea hoʻonāukiuki i ka poʻe e hoʻāʻo nei e hana i kēia kūlana. ʻOiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻole paha ia e kōkua iā ʻoe e ola e like me ka loaʻa ʻole o kahi VCR, a i ʻole ke aʻo ʻana i ka whittle, e like me kēia ma waho o ka ʻO Blair Witch Pono ʻoe e loaʻa ka noʻonoʻo maʻamau a me ke akamai i ka hele ʻana ma kahi laina pololei, akā i kekahi manawa, ʻo ia ka manawa e waiho ai i ka pahupaʻikiʻi a nānā i ka puka ʻana i waho o ka ululāʻau.

A i ʻole, e ʻōlelo ʻoe e hana ana ʻoe i kahi kiʻiʻoniʻoni zombie a hiki koke i ka hoʻomaka ʻana o kahi maʻi zombie maoli (e like me kaʻu i ʻōlelo ai ma ka Māhele Hoʻokahi, ʻo ka hapa nui o mākou ua make i kahi maʻi zombie, akā e pili pū me aʻu ma kēia): e kau i ke kāmela i lalo a nānā. ma ke kōkua ʻana i kāu mau hoaaloha e noho ola. E kōkua i ka hoʻopaʻa lima i ka hui ma ka hana ʻana i nā mea kaua, paʻi i kekahi mau zombies ma ke poʻo, a i ʻole e noʻonoʻo i kekahi mau puns 'zombie kill'. ʻO ka ʻōlelo maoli, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o kekahi mea ma mua o ke kū ʻana i 10 kapuaʻi ka mamao mai nā mea a pau e ʻōlelo ana: "wow" a "he aha ka mea e hana nei?" ʻIke paha ʻoe pehea ʻoe e ʻike ai i ka mea e hana nei, e ke kanaka kamera? Ma ka hana ʻana i nā mea. I ka manawa loa, loa hāʻawi liʻiliʻi i kou mākaukau o ke kuhikuhi ʻana i nā mea a kuhikuhi i nā zombies kokoke i kāu pono maoli nō e nā hoaaloha, nā mea e hana pū me lākou nāu. A laila ʻoi aku ka manawa kūpono o ʻoukou āpau e hele i waho ola ma mua o ke ola inā e hoʻomau i ke kiʻi ʻana i nā mea a me ka ʻuā ʻana i nā ʻōlelo maopopo.

I ka hopena o ka lā, no ka hapa nui o mākou "e hele ana i ka ʻimi kilokilo" a i ʻole "e noiʻi ana i nā kilokilo i loko o ka ululāʻau" i kēia manawa ke code no kahi pāʻina nahele. Malia paha ua nalo a huhu wale kela mau haumana i kekahi i kekahi, no ko lakou nele i ka huhu, a ua hoonaukiuki lakou i na keiki ona i ike i ka hala ana o keia mau mea hana kiʻiʻoniʻoni i ka pāʻina, a ua koho lākou e hoʻoweliweli iā lākou ma ke aʻa o ka poʻe hauʻoli. he ohu ona, mai hoomanao hou. ʻO ia ka manaʻo nui e like me nā mea ʻē aʻe i loko ʻO ka Blitch Witch Project.

ʻO ka Exorcist (1974):

E ola ʻoe i kekahi o nā kiʻi ʻoniʻoni weliweli maikaʻi loa (inā ʻaʻole ʻo ia ʻoi loa) i hana ʻia ma kēia ala:

Mai loaa ia oe Pazuzu.

E noʻonoʻo ʻoe, ʻoiai ʻo kēia ka kiʻiʻoniʻoni exorcism maikaʻi loa, ʻaʻohe bar, a ʻo kekahi o nā kiʻiʻoniʻoni weliweli loa i hana ʻia, ʻelua wale nō ka poʻe i loaʻa. Hoʻokahi wale nō o lākou i make, a ʻo ka mea ʻē aʻe i make, ʻo ia ke kahuna kahiko nāna e hoʻāʻo e kipaku i ka daimonio, ʻo ia hoʻi, ʻaʻole paha ʻoe e hana.

No ka pono o ka hoʻopaʻapaʻa a laila, e ʻōlelo mākou ua pepehi ʻia nā kānaka ʻelua ma muli o ka waiwai i loko ʻO Exorcist. ʻO ka heluna kanaka o ka honua ma kahi o 4 biliona ma 1974, ʻo ia hoʻi he 0.0000005% kou manawa e make ai.

ʻIke helu, loaʻa kahi manawa ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi (0.000024%) o ka ʻai ʻia e nā mea hamo, nā satanic hamsters.

ʻO Seminary Pet (1989):

ʻAe, neʻe ʻoe i kahi kūlanakauhale liʻiliʻi maikaʻi me kou ʻohana e haʻalele i ke kūlanakauhale nui a aloha ʻoe i kahi huaʻōlelo, akā he ʻelemakule lokomaikaʻi e noho ana ma ke kūlanakauhale a ʻōlelo ʻo ia iā ʻoe aia kekahi mea kupanaha e pili ana i ka hale kupapaʻu (ʻike ʻoe , me ke kuhi hewa ʻana e like me ka folksy) i hoʻolālā ʻia i loko o kahi ilina ʻōiwi ʻAmelika. ʻOiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻole paha ʻoe e manaʻoʻiʻo iā ia i ka wā mua, a laila hālāwai ʻoe me kāu mea make, i kēia manawa zombie haumāna nāna e ao aku iā ʻoe i ka mea like.

ʻO ke kāne / wahine ʻepekema ʻo ʻoukou? ʻAe, ʻaʻole ʻoe e manaʻoʻiʻo i kēia "mumbo-jumbo" supernatural āpau. A laila e ʻōlelo mākou ua pā ka pōpoki a kāu kaikamahine i kahi kaʻa a manaʻo ʻoe: “ʻae, akāka, ʻo kēia wahi ilina Micmac kahi e kanu ai: e nānā i nā mea ʻē aʻe i kanu ʻia ma aneʻi. A, inā ola ia (scoff) i ke ola (snort), a laila ʻaʻole pono wau e kūʻai i kahi pōpoki hou a hoʻohālikelike he Church ia (ʻo ia ka inoa pōpoki i ʻO Seminary Pet) ”.

Maikaʻi nō, hoʻi mai ka pōpoki, a ʻino wale nō ia i ka hapa nui o ka manawa, no laila ʻaʻole pēlā oi aku maikaʻi ʻole ... a i kēia manawa iaʻu kēia keiki make ...

ʻIke ʻoe i kahi e hele ai kēia? I kekahi manawa, ʻo ka manawa paha kēia e hoʻōki i ke kanu ʻana i nā mea i loko o kēlā ilina i ʻike ʻoe i ka mea e hana nei. He aha ia? ʻAʻohe mea e hiki ke hoʻōki ʻoe i ke kanu ʻana i nā mea i puka mai ai ka hewa? ʻAe maikaʻi, manaʻo paha hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻi i ka hana.

ʻO ka hope, makemake wau e noʻonoʻo i kahi kanaka naʻauao e like me ʻoe e ʻae i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ke ʻōlelo nei nā kānaka a pau iā ʻoe ʻaʻole e hana i ka mea i hana hewa ʻole ʻia no nā poʻe ʻē aʻe (e aʻo mai ka mōʻaukala, no laila ʻaʻole pono ʻoe e hana hou) a kaumaha no kou pōʻino a/a neʻe paha. Maopopo anei iā ʻoe ka nui o nā kūlanakauhale liʻiliʻi liʻiliʻi? E ʻimi i kahi ʻē aʻe ke mākaukau ʻoe e hoʻāʻo a hoʻomaka hou. ʻO ke koho ʻana i kahi kūlanakauhale kahi e hoʻowalewale ʻole ʻia ai ʻoe e pāʻani i ke Akua a hoʻāʻo a hoʻāla i kāu keiki make a / a wahine paha he manaʻo maikaʻi.

Inā ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke hāʻawi i ka manawa kūpono; ikaika loa kou kaumaha, a i ʻole hele pupule paha ʻoe me ka manaʻolana a me ke kaumaha e kaohi ʻia e kēlā pōpoki e hoʻomau nei i ka hōʻeha i ka poʻe a ʻo kāu hoʻolālā e kanu i nā ʻohana make ma laila a hoʻi mai kekahi o lākou maikaʻi, maikaʻi. Ma ka liʻiliʻi e kūʻai i kahi pū kī:

ʻO ʻoe: ʻino a pupule ʻoe?

ʻOhana pili ʻole: ʻAʻole

ʻO ʻoe: A laila he aha ka pahi?

ʻOhana pili ʻole: I… hana brownies ... nāu ...

ʻO ʻoe: A ma hea lākou?

Pili Pili ʻole: Uhhhh…

* BLAM *

A laila hiki iā ʻoe ke kanu hou iā lākou a ʻike i ka mea i hoʻi mai i kēia manawa; kuea manamana!

ʻO 10 wale nō ia! E haʻi mai iaʻu i kou manaʻo e pili ana i ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi lumipeka ʻulaʻula, a VCR (a ke nānā nei ʻoe ma luna o ia mea), a i ʻole inā aia nā kiʻi ʻoniʻoni weliweli ma laila āu e manaʻo ai e ola ʻoe i nā ʻōlelo ma lalo nei.