I kāna puke 2011 Pehea e ola ai i kahi kiʻi ʻoniʻoni weliweli, Nānā ʻo Seth Grahame-Smith:

"Ke loaʻa iā ʻoe ka diabolō ma ka lōʻihi o ka maiu, pono ʻoe i kahi mea e weliweli ai. Mea haʻohaʻo. Kekahi mea e hāʻule ai ka Terrorverse holoʻokoʻa iā ia iho. A hoʻokahi wale nō mea me kēlā mana nui: A Penis. ”

I ka manawa aʻu i heluhelu mua ai i kēlā laina, ʻaneʻane wau e ʻakaʻaka iaʻu iho i ka make, akā ʻo ka ʻāpana aʻe ua noʻonoʻo wau.

"ʻO ka ʻōlohelohe kāne mua (P) ʻaʻohe o ka Terrorverse (T)," i wehewehe ai ka mea kākau. “No laila, inā aia ʻo P, ʻaʻole hiki iā T ke noho pū. A inā aia ʻo T, ʻaʻole hiki iā P ke noho pū ... me he mea lā he ʻōpio pane i kahi kūlana weliweli. ʻO kahi hoʻāʻo kaumaha e huna maka i ka makaʻu me ka hoʻomākeʻaka makua ʻole. ʻO ia paha. Akā e makemake paha ʻoe e make me ka hanohano a i ʻole noho me ka ʻōlohelohe? "

Aia no ia; kahi mākaʻikaʻi i nānā ʻia me ka hoʻomākeʻaka a hūnā ʻia i ka satire.

Noʻonoʻo pinepine wau i ke kumu o ka loiloi ʻole o ka ʻōlohelohe kāne i mua i ke kiʻi ʻoniʻoni. ʻOiai i ka weliweli, kahi ʻano i ʻike ʻia no ka hoʻokau ʻana i nā palena, ʻaʻole ʻae wale ʻia ka ʻōlohelohe wahine akā manaʻo ʻia ʻoiai ke ʻano o kahi penis e aneane hiki ʻole.

Makemake wau e hiki iaʻu ke ʻōlelo he mea weliweli ia, akā ʻo kēia mea i hoʻonohonoho ʻia i hoʻonohonoho ʻia e ka ʻoihana holoʻokoʻa.

I ka 1892, ua hoʻokumu ʻo Thomas Edison i ke kiʻi paʻi kiʻi mua loa. Na 1897, ke kiʻi ʻoniʻoni mua loa Ma hope o ka pōkole na George Méliès i hele i ka pale e hōʻike ana i ka wahine ʻōlohelohe simulated, a ʻelua wale nō mau makahiki ma hope mai, ua ʻike maka ʻole ka wahine mua i ka pale ma Le Coucher de la Mariee.

Ua hala ma lalo o ʻehiku mau makahiki no ka hōʻikeʻike piha ʻana o nā wahine i kēia ʻano hana kiʻi hou wiwo ʻole, a ʻoiai he nui nā kiʻi ʻoniʻoni i hana ʻia i hana ʻia i loko o nā makahiki he 12 i hala aʻe, he XNUMX mau makahiki hou ia ma mua o ka ʻōlohelohe o ke kāne i mua o ka pōkole loa o E hāhai ʻo glimpses i ka hoʻopiʻi ma kā Francesco Bertolini hana hoʻoweliweli ʻO Dante's Inferno.

I ka hala ʻana o nā makahiki, ua hoʻomau kēia kūlike ʻole a ua ulu ka chasm ma waena o ke kāne a me ka wahine. Ua hele mai ka Hays Code no ke kiʻi "kūpono" a hele a i kēlā manawa, ua kaha kiʻi ʻia nā laina.

ʻO ke ʻano wahine i kāna mea holoʻokoʻa kahi mea e moekolohe a erotika ʻia i kēlā me kēia manawa kūpono, ʻoiai ua hoʻopaʻa ʻia ke ʻano kāne i ka pouli a me ke aka koe wale nō e hōʻoia i kāna kāne a i ʻole i ka hoʻohana ʻana o ka peni ma ke ʻano he hoʻomākeʻaka a hoʻonāukiuki paha paha i ka poʻe hoʻolohe. .

No ka wehewehe ʻana i ke mele comedian ʻo Hana Gadsby, ua ʻike nā mea hana kiʻi ʻoniʻoni i kahi ala hou o ka hoʻokumu ʻana i nā vases kino no kā lākou mau pua dick.

E ʻae iaʻu e hāʻawi iā ʻoe i kahi laʻana i ke ola maoli.

I ka makahiki i hala aku nei, ua hele au i kahi kānana piha nui loa o Adam Green's ʻO Victor Crowley ma Nightmares Film Festival. I ke kiʻi ʻoniʻoni, e hoʻokipa ana ʻo Andrew (Parry Shen) i kahi pūlima kau puke, e kamaʻilio pū ana me nā mea pā.

Ua kū aʻe kahi wahine uʻi a pīhoihoi i luna a noi iā ia e kau inoa i kona umauma i ke kani o nā mea i mahalo ʻia a me nā ʻokiʻoki mai ka poʻe e hoʻolohe ana, āna i ʻiʻini nui ai i kona alo. Ua palu ʻo ia i kona mau lehelehe a kokoke e hina iā ia iho e lawe ana i kona manawa me kēlā pūlima.

Ma hope o kekahi mau manawa, hele ʻo ia i hope e pani ʻia me kahi keonimana ʻoi aku ka mea i hele i ka huki ʻana i kāna peni mai kona lole wāwae, kuʻi ʻia ma ka pākaukau, a noi no ka lāʻau like.

No ma kahi o 2.5 kekona, noho mālie ka poʻe i mua o ka hāmau ma mua o ka ʻakaʻaka ʻana o nā giggles me ka ʻakaʻaka nui i ka hoʻi ʻana o Andrew i hope a hoʻopiʻi i kahi hōʻole ikaika.

Aia ma laila. Ua lilo kēlā mea hoʻolohe a me kā lākou hopena i lilo i microcosm moho no ka poʻe hoʻoweliweli i ka nui.

Ua noʻonoʻo wau i kēia a me nā hopena like no kekahi mau makahiki.

Hoʻomaopopo wau i ka nīnau ʻana i kahi polofesa kiʻiʻoniʻoni i ke koleke no ke aha ke ʻōlohelohe kāne, keu hoʻi e pili ana i ka peni, he laha ʻole i ke kiʻi ʻoniʻoni i ka nui. I ka pane, ua haʻi ʻo ia iaʻu he kino waho ka penis, kūlohelohe maoli i wahi e hiki ai ke hōʻike ʻia nā wahine, ʻōlohelohe ʻole, me ka ʻole o ke ʻano o nā kino maoli, ʻaʻole hiki i nā kāne.

Ua hoʻonui hapa ʻia kēia pane iaʻu ma ke ʻano he haumana, akā ua hoʻouna wale mai iaʻu e ʻimi ana i nā pane hou aʻe.

Ua maopopo iaʻu ʻo ka ʻōlohelohe wahine i ke kiʻi ʻoniʻoni ka mea nui e pili ana i ka moekolohe ʻana i kēlā mau wahine. Hoʻonohonoho hou ʻia kēlā me kēia ʻāpana o ka anatomy e hōʻoluʻolu a ʻoluʻolu i ka nānā ʻana o ke kāne inā he moekolohe nā "ʻokana" ʻaʻole paha.

ʻAʻole kēia e ʻōlelo ʻaʻole koho ʻia nā kāne i ke kiʻi ʻoniʻoni. ʻOiaʻiʻo, e ʻae ka poʻe i ʻike i kekahi o nā kiʻi ʻoniʻoni homoerotic hanohano a David DeCoteau. Eia naʻe, he mea mau ke koi ʻia o ka wahine i kāna objectification.

Ma hope o nā mea āpau, no ka hapanui o nā kāne i ke kiʻi ʻoniʻoni, ʻo nā mea āpau e koi ʻia nei ke pale ʻana i kā lākou hoki no ke kāmela.

Mai piliwi iaʻu? Makemake wau iā ʻoe e hāliu i kou maka i kā Brian de Palma's 1976 classic Nohealani, a me ke kikoʻī loa i kēlā wahi wehe.

Aia lākou ma laila. ʻO kēlā mau haumāna kula kiʻekiʻe āpau (nona ka huapalapala, no ka hapa nui, ma lalo o ka makahiki inā ʻaʻole nā ​​wahine ke kiʻi) frolicking i ka lumi locker a ʻoi aku i ka hōʻike piha ʻana i ka pahu paʻi kiʻi.

ʻO ke kukui uila ʻulaʻula, kahi aʻu e aneane maikaʻi ai i manaʻo ʻia e lawe i kahi hala ʻole e like me ka moemoeā i ka hanana holoʻokoʻa, ʻaʻole i lawe iki ʻia mai ka ʻoiaʻiʻo o kahi lumi i piha i nā wahine e ʻōlohelohe a hōʻike piha ʻia i nā kāmela. Inā he mea, hoʻonui wale ia i kēlā manaʻo.

Holo i mua i kahi lumi locker hou.

I ka 1985's ʻO kahi moe moe ma ke alanui Elm 2: ʻO Freddy's Revenge, ʻO Jesse (Mark Patton) i hoʻopaʻa iā ia iho i loko o kahi lumi lole e Coach Schneider (Marshall Bell). Maopopo loa ka manaʻo o Schneider e pue wale iā Jesse i kekahi e nānā pono ana i nā mea e hana nei.

Ua nakinaki ʻia ʻo Jesse, ma ke aloha o ke kumu aʻo mākou e noʻonoʻo ai. ʻO ia ke kaʻi, akā, ka mea, ke ʻole ʻōlohelohe, loaʻa iā ia iho he mea hōʻeha. Eia nō naʻe, i loko o kēlā manawa pilikia loa i ka ʻauʻau, ʻike wale mākou iā ia i ka lulu nui a mai hope paha.

ʻAʻole kēia e ʻōlelo i ka ʻōlohelohe kāne āpau he malihini piha i ka hana kiʻi ʻoniʻoni, akā i ka wā i hiki ai, keu hoʻi i ka wā i hala, ua kiʻi ʻia ia ma o kahi aniani ʻokoʻa loa ma mua o ka ʻōlohelohe wahine.

ʻO ka manawa mua wau i ʻike ai i kahi mea hana keaka a olohelohe no ka honua āpau e ʻike ai ma ka moʻomeheu 1981 Palapala Hemolele ma muli o ka puke moʻolelo na Peter Straub i ka wā i hāʻule ai ke ʻano o Craig Wasson a hiki i kona make ʻana. Hoʻomaopopo wau i ka hana hou ʻana i ke kope VHS o ke kiʻi ʻoniʻoni e ʻike pono ma laila ka mea aʻu i manaʻo ai ua ʻike wau.

A ʻo wai ka mea hiki ke hoʻopoina i ka mea weliweli e hōʻike ana he kāne kāne ʻo Angela i ka manawa holoʻokoʻa i ka hopena o Kapu hoʻomoana?

I kēia mau hanana ʻaʻohe moekolohe kolohe. Ma laila wale ka peni a Wasson ke hele ʻo ia i kona make a ʻo Angela kahi mea e hoʻopūʻiwa wale i ka poʻe. (ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻo ia ka hoʻomaka o kaʻu mau pilikia me nā hiʻohiʻona hope loa o Kapu hoʻomoana, akā pono mākou e komo i kēlā i loko o kahi ʻatikala ʻē aʻe.)

Lawe kēia iā mākou i kahi kiko ʻē aʻe: kahi manawa nui ke hele ke kāne i mua o mua, keu hoʻi i nā kiʻi ʻoniʻoni, hoʻohana ʻia kahi penisona hoʻokamakama ma kahi o ka lālā ponoʻī o ka mea hana keaka. ʻOiai he mea maoli, aia kahi ʻoihana holoʻokoʻa i kūkulu ʻia a puni ka hana ʻana i kēia mau prostheses loea.

ʻO ka hapa nui o nā studio execs, nā alakaʻi, nā mea hana keaka, a pēlā aku. E hōʻoiaʻiʻo iā ʻoe ʻaʻole ia no ka hilinaʻi ʻole o ka ʻaoʻao o ka mea hana keaka, akā no ka mea makemake lākou i kahi "nānā" kikoʻī no ke kiʻi ʻoniʻoni.

Nui?

Pono e nīnau kekahi, i ke alo o kēia ʻike, ehia mau wahine e hāʻawi ʻia i ke kino pālua a i ʻole maoli i kekahi koho ʻē aʻe e hōʻalo i ka ʻōlohelohe a hōʻike piha ʻia i kahi limahana kāmela a ma hope i ka poʻe hoʻolohe honua?

I nā makahiki i hala aku nei, ua hoʻomaka ka P nui e hōʻike pinepine i nā "art haus" a me nā kiʻi hoʻoweliweli weliweli.

Ke hōʻike nui ʻia nei ke daimonio ʻo Paimon, akā naʻe i ke aka iki, i kēia makahiki ʻO ke kuleana, a ʻaʻohe o kāna mau ukali, kāne a wahine paha, i ukali i ka hopena o ke kiʻi ʻoniʻoni.

Pēlā nō, nā mea i ʻike i ke kiʻi ʻoniʻoni ʻo Nicholas Cage, Mandy, e paʻakikī loa e hoʻopoina iā Linus Roache e wehe ana i kona ʻaʻahu e hāʻawi iā Andrea Riseborough's Mandy i ke kuleana e moe kolohe me ia.

ʻO kēia kekahi o nā hiʻohiʻona kokoke loa aʻu i ʻike ai i ka ʻōlohelohe i mua o ke kāne. No ka mea pōkole loa o kēlā manawa ke nānā aku, i huli pinepine i nā wahine, ʻike iā Roache.

Pono e nīnau kekahi inā ʻo ia ka pane i kēia kūlike ʻole.

Pono paha i nā kāne e hānai i nā mea āpau no ke kāmela e kaulike ai i kēia pālākiō? ʻAʻoleʻoi aku ke akahele e koi maʻalahi i ka ʻōlohelohe mai nā mea hana keaka i ke kiʻi ʻoniʻoni? Ke kūʻē nei kekahi Ka Moana?

Manaʻo wau he mea ʻāpono ʻole kēia mea. ʻAʻole maopopo iaʻu ma kēia hihia, eia naʻe, ʻaʻole ʻaiʻē nā mea hana keaka i kēia mea hoʻokahi. Maliʻa paha ka manawa no lākou e piʻi i luna i ka pā a kau i ka P ma ka hōʻike.